SJM_Big_Daddy_0119_Big Daddy 1 / 4 / 19 2 : 55 PM Page 1 big words by BIG DADDY GRAHAM d ? Two Funny Philly Guys starring Joe Conklin and Big Daddy Graham is returning to Pitman’s Broadway Theatre on Saturday , Feb . 16 . Visit BigDaddyGraham.com for tickets and more information . Takinga TollonMe had to pool our dough for gas money , there’s going to be a huge crowd at one While I would love to we quickly mapped out how to get down of the stadiums ? Say the Eagles are playing wish for world peace , we there using back roads so we could avoid at 1 p.m . They can’t shut the tolls down know that isn’t happen - the Atlantic City Expressway and Garden between 10 : 30 a.m . and 12 : 30 p.m . ? Cut ing . Wouldn’t it be dyna - State Parkway tolls . And not just because us a break for once in our lives . mite for South Jersey to have a 24 - hour , of the cost , but because they were always I remember going into WIP a few swinging nightclub ? Fat chance . How backed years ago in the middle of an insane bliz - about my wife telling me I can spend up . Remember , there was no E - zard . Radio and TV news and talk per - the weekend with Sofia Vergara ? ( Actually , ZPass then . sonalities do everything in their power she might not mind just to get rid of me Speaking of E - ZPass , does anyone re - to perform their duties in a snowstorm . for a couple of days . ) member when they actually saved you Believe it or not , your fellow on - air em - No , my wish for 2019 is pretty much money ? They don’t any longer . They ployees consider you a weakling if you the same wish I have every year : to rid haven’t for years . Yet — and I know this don’t make it in . South Jersey of its annoying tolls . I hate because of trivia nights that I host — you Well , I’m on in the middle of the night their guts and I have my entire life . would be surprised how many folks still so it My first memory of tolls was my old think they do save you money . I guess ordinarily takes me only about 28 man complaining about them . And we there are riders out there who don’t read minutes to get from my house to the sta - didn’t even have a car ! Isn’t that hilarious ? the fine print of their bill . That’s because tion . There’s no traffic whatsoever . But for I guess it was his way of sticking up for the entire E - ZPass bill is fine print . You this whopper of a storm , I left a full two the workingman . ( I can only go blind trying to read it . hours before my shift was to begin and guess what E - ZPass is nothing but a public rela - believe you me it took every minute of it he would have thought of beach tags . ) tions scam . The DRPA wants you to think to get there . It was treacherous . Routes My pop would sit in the kitchen all they care about the commuter and they 322 , 55 , 42 and 676 were all disasters . night drinking Ballentine and listening want to make life easier on you . Baloney . But when I got to the entrance of the to KYW . Whenever there was a traffic re - If they really cared , they would occa - Ben Franklin ? There was the toll collector port warning you of a “ backup at the sionally shut them down . Connecticut sticking his hand out for a $ 5 bill . They tolls , ” he’d go nuts . He had once read used to do that . must have helicoptered him in . They that when the Benjamin Franklin Bridge If a toll got backed up a should have been handing me a medal first opened up in 1926 , the public was certain length , they would allow people for the insanity of even leaving the house . told that the 5 - cent toll was only going to actually drive through without paying . But of course , they had to get every stink - to be collected until the bridge was paid In a couple minutes , the toll would be ing dollar ! for . Where he read this I have no idea , back to its normal , annoying ( but not I’m telling you the first politician to but if I heard him exclaim it once I heard outlandish ) crawl , and they would charge run on some sort of him say it a million times . again . Alas , they stopped this practice anti - toll platform will I guess he just looked at tolls as another years ago . win in a landslide . Maybe it’ll be me . What extension of the government reaching But why couldn’t the DRPA occasion - if I somehow organized a “ No Toll ” day ? A into your pocket and stealing money . I ally look for moments to do this ? To say , day where no one stops to pay . A day have to give my old man credit . He de - “ thank you ” to its customers . How about where everyone just drives on through . spised shutting the tolls down for 10 Sundays They couldn’t arrest us all , could they ? the government before it became during the summer between 5 and 11 So there it is . My 2019 wish . The same fashionable . ( To be fair to “ City Hall , ” my p.m . when they know beachgoers are re - wish I had last year . The same wish I old man pretty much hated everything . ) turning home and it’s going to be backed had 10 years ago . Thirty years ago . A wish When the DRPA would occasionally up the length of the bridge ? Do they have that will never come true . announce they were raising a toll , he to make every conceivable dime ? And Oh well , Happy New Year , and do me would go completely ballistic . I’m old please don’t tell me the tolls are needed a favor ? Tweet out when you’re leaving enough to remember when the bridges for the bridges ’ upkeep because I’m telling the house to drive over one of our bridges . added “ exact change ” lanes and this com - you that’s a lie . It’s If I get enough of them , it pletely drove my dad over the edge . “ That’s bad enough these might cause me to leave taking a job away from the workingman ! ” tolls ruin our Monday through Friday the house a little earlier . And remember he never owned a car ! rush hours , do they have to wreck our Or later . It’ll make for a When my boys and I began driving weekends also ? ? happier South Jersey . down the Shore on our own , we not only How about when the DRPA knows SOUTH JERSEY MAGAZINE volume 15 issue 10 SouthJerseyMagazine.com 72 |