I’m going to keep this simple. It’s November and I’m thankful. To be clear, I’m not just “thankful” ... I’m “Mom Thankful.” It’s a little different than regular thankful except it doesn’t involve expensive presents, diamonds or money. It involves being thankful for ANY HELP of ANY KIND in doing all the tasks of life that do not benefit me in any way, shape or form but are necessary jobs in our house and are somehow deemed as “my job.”
Let me explain. Most of my days are filled with running all over God’s creation for everyone in my life to the detriment of me sleeping, eating and washing my body. So, if by some chance, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE decided to throw me a bone and help around the house I would be so THANKFUL. To properly celebrate my thankfulness, I’d like to outline some of the ridiculously stupid things my kids/husband could do around my house that would literally make my head explode with joy. There is one for each day of the month. This is my Mom Advent Calendar of Thankfulness.
1. I love it when you ... wash your body without me telling you.
2. I love it when you ... put the dishes in the dishwasher because you can see them too.
3. I love it when you ... replace the toilet paper roll, located in a different room, in a different closet and you didn’t die.
4. I love it when you. ... take your laundry out of the dryer ALL AT ONCE, not just a piece at a time, leaving all the other clothes “kind of dry,” which makes me want to kill you.
5. I love it when you ... replace the soap in the dispenser in the bathroom/kitchen without asking me, “How come there is nothing in there?” or helplessly wondering when the “soap fairy” will show up and do it.
6. I love it when you ... let me believe you actually wash your hands. #thankful
7. I love it when you ... pick up the dog poop, instead of acting like you didn’t see/smell it.
8. I love it when you ... consciously don’t steal my iPhone charger when you lose your iPhone charger. #iknowitsyou #stopit
9. I love it when you ... don’t eat all my mint chocolate chip ice cream because you know it’s my favorite and I might have a bad day and need it.
10. I love it when you ... same as #9, but wine.
11. I love it when you ... don’t eat all the jimmies and leave the empty plastic container in the cabinet like you didn’t.
12. I love it when you ... rub my feet at night, which is less like a “rub” and more like you stepped on my foot by accident but I pretend it was a massage.
13. I love it when you ... cover your plate before you put it in the microwave. I can die knowing I’ve raised a functioning member of society.
14. I love it when you ... send someone a thank you note. #motheroftheyear
15. I love it when you ... do ALL of your homework instead of doing your homework early and then saying at 10 p.m. you have to study.
16. I love it when you ... ask me for school supplies during normal store buying hours instead of 10:30 p.m., when you need it the next day.
17. I love it when you ... eat a vegetable without making a face or mentioning the epic night we had ice cream for dinner.
18. I love it when you ... remember to be kind to your sister when her hair looks weird and she’s miserable.
19. I love it when you ... don’t correct me in front of your teacher when I’m telling her we never watch TV while eating dinner as a family.
20. I love it when you ... listen patiently to Grandma as she tells you the same story five times in the same day and kisses your entire body.
21. I love it when you … don’t take my makeup out of my purse and leave the lid off of my mascara so it dries out.
22. I love it when you ... don’t leave an old tuna sandwich in your lunchbox, stick it under your bed and leave it for me to find a month later. Holy crap! I can’t even finish this list because everyone wants something, right now. I’m moving to my car!
23. I love it when you ... leave me alone in my car so I can write my article.
24. I can see you in the window watching me.
25. Please stop.
26. I’m going to Wawa now.
27. I love it when you ... try and chase my car down the street when I clearly just want to get away from you.
28. I love it when you ... can’t reach me because I’ve turned my phone off.
29. I love it when you ... give me the biggest hug in the world when I walk in the door, still smelling like the Chick-fil-A fries I just ate, and tell me how much you’ve missed me.
30. I love it when you ... understand I love you so much that I need to get away from you.
31. I love it when you ... get me.
Published (and copyrighted) in South Jersey Magazine, Volume 14, Issue 8 (November, 2017).